[Grovenet] NCLB: It was only a matter of time.

[STEVE JERRETT]

No Child Left Behind - The Football Version


NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND - The Football Version

1.All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the
championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on
probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held
accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their
footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the
championship.

2.All children will be expected to have the same football skills at
the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or
opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack
of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic
abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3.Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without
instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all of their
instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football,
have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football.

4.Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept
in the 4th, 8th, and 11th games.

It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have
the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals.
If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for
vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the 
non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with
bad football players.