[Grovenet] Hosstyle view of World History in a nutshell

[Alan L Domenghini]

Hosstyle view of World History in a nutshell 
   Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunters/gatherers.  They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
winter. 
   The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.  The wheel was
invented to get man to the beer.  These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups: 
   1.  Liberals
   2.  Conservatives
   Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture.  Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. 
That's how villages were formed. 
   Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q
at night while they were drinking beer.  This was the beginning of
what is known as the Conservation movement.
   Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.  This was the beginning
of the Liberal movement. 
   Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.  The
rest became known as girlie-men. 
   Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided. 
   Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals
are symbolized by the jackass.
   Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water.  They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare. 
   Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers,
attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals.  Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. 
   Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, sailors,
airmen, soldiers, and generally anyone who works productively. 
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
work for a living.
   Liberals produce little or nothing.  They like to govern the
producers and decide what to do with the production.  Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to
America.  They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing. 
   Here ends today's lesson in world history:
 
  It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. 
 
  A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other
true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

~alan~ oh happy day, for I found my grove nut lapel pin~ Hoss